Parents always try to guide their children.  Senior parents giving advice to adult children is completely different than giving advice to kids or teens.  As a result, parental advice is heard differently by adult children than by a child or a teen.

Senior Parents Giving Advice to Adult Children

Parents get older.  So do their kids.  The relationship between parents and kids changes with age.  Even though senior parents have a lot of practical life experience, adult children sometimes don’t want to hear that experience.  As senior parents, we always need to be ready to help, advice and support.  But, remember, the world was different from when we learned about life.

 Stress is Unhealthy no Matter What the Cause.

Because of financial worries after retirement, many seniors live with stress.  When age bring declining health, more stress is added.  Parents of any age worry about their children.  This is true of senior parents giving advice because they worry about their adult children.  The U.S. National Library of Medicine along with National Institute of Health write about concern about global stress and cognitive aging in older adults.

The world is changing and shrinking.  There is a constant bombardment of information.  Natural disasters years ago were read about in the papers or reported on TV.  Now we see the event unfolding minute by minute.  Young adults sometimes feel that the parents’ parental experience does not relate their world.  Adult children are worried about the environment and financial and racial inequality.  We as parents were worried about a stable job market and world peace.

Senior parents are stressed when they see their children living through the same  difficulties they faced.  The stress is greater when we can’t help.  Our adult kids are stressed because they don’t want to be told what to do. But, they don’t want to ignore our advice.   Deborah Christensen, on medium.com in February of 2019, offers insight into difficult parent adult child relationships.

We are stressed. Our kids are stressed.  Sometimes, all we can do is listen and support until asked.

Parents Giving Advice to Adult Children Can Minimize Stress.

• Do a lot of listening.
• Don’t use any phrases like: “I remember when….” or “When this happened to me …..”
• Actively help out as appropriate.
• Be Present but not in the way.
• Offer the specific advice requested.

Our Adult Children’s World is Different than Ours.

Everything about the world today is the same as it for seniors, but very different.   Live video captures anything going on anywhere in the world.  Social media spreads news and more almost instantly.   Texting is both informative and destructive while almost continuous.  The” Knowledge of Wharton” website published by the University of Pennsylvania present a great article on the  impact of social media.

Decades of personal life experience is no longer a primary source of advice.  Adult children can instantly find information ranging from pop culture to scholarly lectures on any subject.  A lot of of internet searches are inaccurate, irrelevant or incorrect.  Sorting through information is part of the life experience of adult children.  Trying things in life is no different today than it was for senior parents.  The source of ideas to try is different.

Coping with the e-world builds bonds with adult children.

• Accept that adult children often look to the internet for advice first.
• Learn to use the e-tools your adult children use.
• Fully participate in e-activities that your adult children suggest.
• Engage in your own e-activities and let your adult children know.
• Establish clear e-boundaries with your adult children when using social media.

Work is Different for our Adult Children.

Many jobs are the same as they were 20 years ago.  The e-world has created a whole new type of work. As an adult, every time I saw my father, he would ask, “Workin’ son?”  I encouraged my children when they were applied for work.  After interviews, I usually asked how they went.  I inquired about how work was going.  Working was the foundation of life for my father.  Working was a necessary and important part of life for me.  Its necessary in the lives of my children but not in the same way.

I looked for stability in a job and always hoped to move up.  Adult children today look more for fulfillment from work.  I used to think, “If its not illegal and probably won’t kill you, do whatever you are asked to do.”  Adult children today often express, “Its not my job but I did it.  I won’t do it again.”  Human Resources sets the tone for almost any job now rather than a manager or foreman.  Fortunately, safety, inclusion and respect are the basis of most work today.

Relaxing with Our Adult Children Can Bring Us Closer.

There will always be the need to relax from work.  Commuting for work takes time out of the day.  Emails, pms, texts, etc. can create constant pressure to move to the next task.  New procedures, machines, equipment, programs and techniques mean constantly learning and catching up.  Decreases in staffing but not in production mean more work in the same time.

Senior Parents Giving Advice and Relaxing with Adult Children

• Set times for texting and internet use in your house and stick to them.
• Prepare and eat meals together.
• Talk about neutral things.  No embarrassing stories.
• Plan activities that everyone needs to learn plus old favorites.
• If possible, go somewhere together.
• Encourage participation without guilt or tension.
• Stop when it feels like its time to stop.

Parents often “play it by ear” when it comes to helping their kids through life.  This is no different for senior parents giving advice and helping adult children today.  Because each generation faces the world differently than their parents, senior parents need to be patient as we support our children.

The 2020 wildfire season has been one of the worst ever seen.  Its not over yet.   Now more than ever, wildfire donations are needed.  Many volunteer fire fighters have worked for two months without compensation.  Fire victims are left with nothing.  Senior Citizens, on fixed incomes, are giving wildfire donations.  Many have lived through one kind of disaster or another.  They understand how important help can be.

Senior Citizens Giving Wildfire Donations

There are several different ways that senior citizens are helping those left in need from the wildfires.

• Monetary Donations – These can be made through a variety of organizations listed online.
• Living Space – Apartments, single rooms even motor homes help when a house has been lost.  The city would be the best place to go to identify the need.
• Clothing, toiletries, bedding and toys – Items like this can be taken to churches which have been identified as help centers.
• Non-perishable Food – City and neighborhood food banks welcome these kind of donations.

How to Prepare for a wildfire.

If you live in a forest fire zone, there are several steps to take to protect your home.

• Keep grass cut.
• Clear dead limbs and under brush from trees.
• Try to keep 5-10 feet between the tops of trees.
• Cut back limbs that extend close to the house.
• Keep firewood stacked away from the house.
• Store any kind of fuel or flammable substance away from the house.
• Use fire resistant material for outdoor projects around the house.
• If possible, keep a fire dedicated house at each end of the house.

Donations of Any Kind Help

Seniors are often the most generous people in their community.  They recognize the value of help.

People who have lived through a wild fire face lots of future challenges.   They may need to replace their home.  This causes stress because of money, permits, construction and so on.  If their home is okay, they may still worry about fire in the future.  Furniture and clothes may have to be replaced because of smoke damage.  Often appliances, particularly refrigerators, are ruined.  Outdoor structures need repair or replacement.  When the unimaginable happens and friends and loved ones are lost, life can be overwhelming.  Even the loss of pets or livestock must be overcome.

The entire community experiences these things in some way.  Seniors have lived through similar things in life. They help.  They donate often because they have been helped.

Wildfire donations of any kind bring some amount of relief to someone.  Senior Citizens are at the center of the movement to raise all kinds of donations for the victims of this year’s wildfires.

If you are like me, a senior citizen,  you worry more about your senior health issues during COVID 19.  My health is neither better nor worse, but I worry about what to do if I need to see a doctor.

Senior Health Issues During COV19

Waiting Rooms

My biggest concern is sitting in a waiting room with other sick people even with social distancing in place.  At the beginning of “sheltering”, my wife and I had all our groceries and medications dropped at our front door.  Even then we took precautions to clean every item.  We eased up on that, but still have concerns about waiting rooms at the doctor’s office.  Initially, we cancelled appointments.  Realizing that this COVID 19 is a long term thing, we rescheduled.

Pharmacies

Seniors are considered vulnerable in terms of COV19.  Those of us with health conditions are considered even more at risk.  We visit pharmacies regularly to for prescriptions.  There always seems to be a line and a long waiting time.  We think about this when we need to get medication.  Young or old, everyone waiting has some kind of medical need.  Most of the time, we go with curbside pickup for medications.

Specialty Appointments

As it turns out, we have needed dental and eye appointments during COV19.  These were unscheduled and unanticipated, but related to our senior health issues.  The main difficulty is that these appointments were at offices we did not know well with staff we do not know.  This simply meant that we were unaware of office procedures.  Calling in advance to ask about COVID protocol helped put our minds at ease.

Medical Appointments and Senior Health Issues

Here’s what we do to prepare for medical appointments and trips to the pharmacy.

• We make sure we are feeling good on the day of an appointment.
• If we don’t know an office, we call to find out about their COVID 19 protocols.
• We always have a mask with us and hand sanitizer in the car.
• We social distance.
• If an office seems very crowded, we will often reschedule the appointment.
• We order medications in bulk.
• We use curb side pickup for medications.
• We do teleconferenced appointments when possible.
• We follow office protocols.
• We wash our hands after each appointment even after using hand sanitizer.

There is no need to panic because of senior health issues and COVID 19.  Taking steps to be safe and healthy just makes sense.

COVID19 changed everything in March, 2020.  Spring and summer plans changed.   Seniors began to shelter at home.  Many, like my wife and myself, still are at home.

COVID19 Equals No Boating

Our boat did not move from winter storage.  Days on the lake are part of spring and summer fun.  Not this year.  There was no boating, no swimming, no walking on the beach and no beach bonfires.  We decided not to risk our health even with social distancing.  So, we stayed home.

COVID19 Equals No Traveling.

Traveling to see grandchildren was out of the question this summer.  We started our little motor home to keep the engine healthy, but it didn’t move since last taken on a trip in December.  We haven’t wanted to fly because of the closeness of passengers.  We could have driven places, but were reluctant to stay in hotels.  We did take day trips to family who live close by.  Long distance traveling wasn’t an option for us

Fun Things for Seniors to Do While Stuck at Home

Play Games

This summer, we played outdoor games like lawn bowling, lawn darts and corn hole.  We haven’t had time for these silly games for decades.  With  a lot of laughter, trash talking, beer drinking and suntanning, days flew by despite never leaving home.  Even the dog got into the fun begging everyone to try to chase her and get the toy.

We played indoor games.  A variety of puzzles challenged us in the evening.  Some had 500 pieces.  Some had 300 pieces.  Some were complicated scenes with subtle color changes.  Others had more distinguishable pieces.  Board games, dice games, card games, question games and picture games all took their turn entertaining during the hours at home.  There were no grandchildren around, but just us old folks laughing until we cried.  There’s no shame in enjoying a game suitable for 3 year olds and up.

Garden

We have a variety of fruit trees in our yard including apple, orange, lemon, avocado and fig.  We also have grapes and artichokes.  In summers past, the gardens were a joy but often at the bottom of our to-do list. This summer we pruned, weeded, shaped, fertilized, water and picked.  There was a real sense of contented fulfillment in maintaining these trees.  Flower gardens in both the front and back yards also needed work.  At the end of gardening days, we were exhausted by happy.

Just Sit

There’s a couch, a little cabaret set with two chairs, a bar with stools, the grass, a picnic bench, a hot tub and a fire pit in the yard.  During normal times, all of these places to sit are mostly used for decoration.  These are not normal times.  We found ourselves sitting at the picnic bench for lunch talking over a sandwich and a coke.  The couch was a place for enjoying the warm breeze in the sun.  We grabbed a vacant bar stool for a cool beer in the evening.  When the moon rose and the stars came out, we found ourselves luxuriating in the hot tub.  Before COVID19, our busy schedules kept all these places to sit vacant.  We talked back then, but not as much.

As Seniors, we are concerned about COVID19.  But, staying home to stay healthy has been great.  We stopped running from here to there. We didn’t meet people for this and that.  We stopped finding entertainment over there doing that. We stay home because we are vulnerable.  It turns out that this time was a gift.  We’ll start doing things away from home again, eventually.  We’ll visit family and friends again.  We’ll even travel again.  But we will always know that our home is a safe sanctuary and how much we enjoy being at home together.

Over the years, many seniors move away from siblings, children and their extended family.  Distance grows because of work, financial, housing or lifestyle choices.  As seniors, we encounter health issues for the first time.  Distant family and senior health issues combine to create concerns new and complications.  However, these are concerns that cannot be ignored despite the miles.

Distant Family and Senior Health Issues

My wife and I are on the west coast.  Our family, at least my side, are on the east coast.  We only see each other once every couple of years.  Because of the of the distance, we keep up relationships with texts and FaceTime.  Because my oldest sister has been sick for awhile, we decided to visit her and have a little vacation on Cape Cod at the same time.  Senior health issues seem are frequently the reason for travel with family members are far apart. Over the years, we have compiled some senior travel tips.  We attempted to use them all for this cross country excursion.

Discount Fares

With just a week for the trip, we decided to fly.  Because we bought the cheapest tickets we had to pay for everything.  Assigned seating was $12 each for every flight.  A carry on was $30 each way.  Despite the extras, we had cheap flights because we did not need to carry much with us.  With planning, we have found that discounts fares are great.  An unexpected benefit of the cheap tickets was that our row was not full on any of the flights.

Small Airports

We fly out of our regional airport.  It means an extra, short flight to a major airport.  Regional airports cost a bit more.  But, they make flying much easier.

The TSA lines are short.  There is a great restaurant on site.  It’s not necessary to be at the airport hours in advance.  Because the airport is close to home, there is no driving time involved.  Usually, someone is able to give us a ride so there is no cost involved for parking the car.  The inconvenience of an extra flight is far outweighed by how much easier the departure process is at a regional airport.  From our point of view, when senior health is involved, things should be as easy as possible.

Travel Light

Inexpensive tickets mean carrying on only one personal item each.  This can be a back-pack, computer bag, or a purse.  A carry-on bag can be up to $30.  A full size suitcase is $50.  We have found that one carry-on between us and two backpacks are adequate for short trips.  I usually don’t carry toiletries because they are inexpensive to buy where we are staying.  Everything that needs to be presented at the TSA checkpoint is kept in one backpack for easy access.  The backpacks are light and easy to manage in the airport.

Rental Cars

We get the cheapest rental car possible with cruise control and air conditioning.  This is particularly true if our destination is not far from the airport.  It is often very inexpensive to rent a car from an off site agency because they are not paying the airport transportation tax.  We have found that an Uber to and from an off site rental agency can save up to $25/ day on the car rental.  However, the convenience of renting a car at the airport is nice.  Reserving a rental car online does not require payment so changing pick up times is usually not a problem.

Accommodations

My wife and I like our privacy.  We don’t like having to be “on all the time. As well, we don’t like making other family feel like they have to entertain us.  So, we almost always stay in a hotel when visiting family.  We aren’t extravigent, but we do try to choose accommodations that are comfortable, near to fun things to do and in nice settings.

Traveling during the off-season helps.  We choose a hotel on the ocean,  close to night life and not too far from my sister.   Price is always a consideration, but comfort and proximity usually win out over price.

A Reason to Travel

I find the older I get, the more I want to stay put.  Family illness is not the best reason to decide to travel, but it is a reason.  For us, traveling means encounters with the world beyond our backyard.  That’s fun.  We don’t like the security lines when we fly.  We aren’t happy with the traffic in some cities.  Sometimes, weather frustrates our plans.  But, traveling keeps us learning and keeps us feeling young…. even though we aren’t.  Our trip to Cape Cod from California brought me to my sister.  That was wonderful.  But it gave us a chance to play in a different part of the country.  We’re going to do it again.  I hope you will.

That time you lifted too much weight 40 years ago has come back to haunt you.  Your shoulder aches after a weekend of playing with grandchildren. For some reason, your coordination is off.  After a couple of visits to your doctor, you are referred for physical therapy.   When facing outpatient physical therapy seniors may be nervous and embarrassed. If you are like me, I get over being nervous, but the embarrassment seems to linger.

During Outpatient Physical Therapy Seniors Improve

American Senior Communities, in a blog posted on March, 2014, states: “Physical therapy can help seniors retain their independence, whether they are managing a long-term illness or just want to improve their general health and mobility.The goal of physical therapy is to help restore and improve functionality, reduce pain and increase mobility for better strength and balance.”

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